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In Holy Matrimony

Kayleigh Greig highlights several of the most interesting cultural practices in the near-universal rite of weddings


The word “wedding” may spark images of white dresses, churches and marzipan cakes, but marriage ceremonies come in many forms. Throughout my childhood, I had always wanted to be a flower girl (if only to be the centre of attention, the little diva that I was), but the opportunity never arose. In fact, the only wedding I’ve been to was quite recent, and unfortunately, I was a little too big to toddle down the aisle with a basket in hand. What’s more, everyone kept assuring me that it was very different from the “long and sombre” traditional weddings, given that the officiant was a whip-cracking Aussie called Monty [1] whose goal was to break the ice on an otherwise daunting day. In all, the wedding couldn’t have been more perfect, but it got me thinking about how other people’s unions unfolded.


It’s difficult to pin down the exact origin of weddings, but the earliest evidence of a ceremony uniting two people is from Mesopotamia in around 2350BC – 4,374 years ago [2]. Since then, weddings have evolved into diverse and beautiful events with myriad customs across cultures.


In China, brides and grooms traditionally wear red, the colour of celebration and prosperity, and partake in a tea ceremony in which they serve special tea made of red dates, lilies and lotus seeds to their parents and elders, symbolizing the union of families and expressing appreciation for those who raised them. This ceremony may constitute the whole ritual, as a deeply private affair [3].


In a typical Zulu wedding, umabo, the groom’s family always hosts the ceremony. The bride’s mother envelops her daughter in a blanket and her father walks her to her future husband’s house early in the morning. Crucially, she must not look back, or else she may invite bad luck. The wedding consists of an elaborate routine, including the trading of specific gifts to family members, the recipients singing in thanks for their gifts, and the sisters of the bride hitting the groom with small sticks (for a reason that no one seems to divulge). If the routine is not followed exactly the first time, couples will often repeat the ceremony later to improve their luck in conception or their relationship with their in-laws [4]. Even if one or both members of the marriage have died, family members will stand in for the couple to recreate umabo and please their ancestors [5].


Following the main ceremony at a traditional Polish wedding, the bride and groom are presented with a loaf of bread, often decorated with their names, to bless their marriage with the fortune of never going hungry. Their parents will also present them with salt, to remind them of life’s difficulties. Subsequently, a glass of water and a glass of vodka will be given to the couple. The bride will choose first, unaware of which is which. It said that whoever chooses the vodka will be the “dominant” partner in the marriage. The celebration ensues with many courses of food and plenty more vodka for all. At the stroke of midnight, the bride removes her veil, undoes the long braids of youth and cuts her hair to symbolise her transition to womanhood. She then tosses her veil, rather than her bouquet, to all the unmarried women, while the groom throws his tie to the men, and of course, whoever catches each is said to be next in line to marry [6].


As you can see, many traditional weddings expect the bride to act differently to the groom. Nowadays, numerous women are pushing for greater equality, including foregoing traditional vows to “obey” their husbands. And of course, couples are not always composed of one woman and one man. So, if you’re thinking about getting married someday, it’s worthwhile to explore the traditions of your own culture, to determine which aspects you may wish to honour and where you want to innovate. Remember, the true essence of marriage lies beyond the glamour of the wedding — it is a lifelong partnership where you will continue to grow, compromise and love one another. 







ENDNOTES

[1] Holy Matrimonty. “AUSTRALIA’S CHEEKIEST MARRIAGE CELEBRANT.” Www.instagram.com, 8 May 2024, www.instagram.com/holymatrimonty/?hl=en. Accessed 8 May 2024.

[2] The Week. “The Origins of Marriage.” Theweek.com, The Week, 8 Jan. 2015, theweek.com/articles/528746/origins-marriage. Accessed 8 May 2024.

[3] Holly Yee. “Chinese Wedding Traditions.” Holly Yee Floral Architecture, 11 May 2022, hollyyee.com/chinese-wedding-traditions/. Accessed 8 May 2024.

[4] Nel, Cecillie. “Zulu Wedding - Umabo.” Emdoneni Lodge, 13 Aug. 2018, www.emdonenilodge.com/zulu-wedding-umabo. Accessed 8 May 2024.

[5] onetree. “From Lobola to Umabo.” Steemit, 11 Sept. 2016, steemit.com/marriage/@onetree/from-lobola-to-umabo-a-traditional-zulu-wedding. Accessed 8 May 2024.

 [6] Aniskiewicz, Alena. “A Foreigner’s Guide to Polish Weddings.” Culture, 6 July 2013, culture.pl/en/article/a-foreigners-guide-to-polish-weddings. Accessed 8 May 2024.


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