Niche Experiences? Just Ask Me.

Nathan Colebrook speaks on overstimulation and how it's not just an autistic niche 

Being on the spectrum comes with many unique experiences that, in the neurotypical world, don’t often get talked about…

I wasn’t initially planning on penning an article for Grapeshot this time. I spent two months trying to think, plan, and then write, no, rewrite various ideas that had come to mind. Everything from the nicheness of science and the nicheness of love, to the nicheness of Western media portrayals of Christmas at the expense of ignoring non-Western portrayals of the Christian holiday (#niche). 

Alas, each time I tried to pen type the idea, nothing would come out. I would stare at a blank screen, rubbing my temples side to side, tempted to give up and start training to hike the mountain I plan to hike later this month (Mt Tennent/Tharwa if you’re wondering). You could say that the physical mountain I was climbing was now also becoming a proverbial one. 

So, why, you may rightly ask, am I writing something after all? 

Well, the experience in itself was nothing new to me. That is, I experience episodes of what I am about to tell you pretty frequently. I had lain down to go to bed at around 10:30 pm. Pretty reasonable time if you ask me. Also, considering that I had planned to go get an ultrasound first thing in the morning, it would give me a decent eight hours to wake up at roughly around 6:30 am. 

That, at least, was the plan… until I got a sudden episode of overstimulation appear out of bang-smack nowhere. 

***

For those who’ve never experienced the lucidity, multipolar and exhausting experience of being overstimulated before, I’m going to explain it in two ways for the neurotypical folk out there. Firstly, the standard definition relating specifically to autism. Secondly, because this is Grapeshot, the poetic definition, at least, describes the sensation of what it feels like (#iykyk). 

Overstimulation: “…also called sensory overload, is when the brain receives sensory input at an intensity or duration that exceeds an individual's capacity to effectively process it…” – Dr. Sara Quinn, Clinical Psychologist & President of the Australian Psychological Society.

Now that the standard definition is given, let me tell it to you in the way that I know: 

To the oversaturated, blindingly light beacons of my mind,

To the darkest, ghostly, sickeningly cold corners of my mind,

To the forces in my mind, adrenalising or infecting me with a carousal of visions, 

An intoxication of smells, 

A drowning of tastes, 

A rotunda of sounds, 

To the crazy, dopaminergic agents in my head,

To the sudden cortisol bursts in my head,

To whom it may concern,

Whoever you all are,

We meet again…

Welcome to the party…

Welcome to the extravaganza I did not prepare for…

Now, I cannot explain how the overstimulation started. I don’t know where or what made it boom-boom pow into life. Nor do I think it necessarily matters. Maybe it was the silence of the room, the fan blasting at 100% with that familiar ‘werghhhhh’ sound it makes all summer long. I don’t know, and it doesn't matter. All I know is that the next minute, my head was flooded. My head was cloudy. I had a sudden rush of adrenaline. My heart wasn’t pounding, but my head was spinning. I wasn’t sweating, but I was tossing and turning, as though my bed was an inferno, and I was trying to cool myself down. 

My calm mindset going into bed had been entirely disrupted. I was now fully awake, and I was starting to second-guess, fingers-crossed and toes-crossed, touch wood, think, no, REthink…

anything…

and…

absolutely…

everything…

My mind can’t think straight. Oh my god, did I say something wrong to that person? Did I word the text wrong? Did it imply something I didn’t mean? Oh my god, is that why they haven’t said anything back for about… what… AH!… three weeks?! 

Have they started spreading rumours about me? Have they said things about me that are not true? What about when I see them again? Do I have to defend myself? Do I have to defend myself against a narrative that they have all consolidated in their heads about me?

“No, Nathan, stop overplaying it! You’re fine, they’re probably busy…” 

But what if they are not? What if it has gotten so far out of my control now that no matter how I rationalise it to them, they’ll look at me and stare me down like some freak. 

You should just stick to calling people. At least that way you can engage with their voice, then correct it then and there. You’re stupid, you should’ve done that. Why can’t you stick to what you have told yourself works best in the past? 

…

Oh…

Oh…

Oh…

Did you book that ultrasound appointment after all?

I can’t take being burnt alive in my bed anymore. I jump straight out of my bed and jump onto my desk chair. Sitting Frog-posing (since when did I have to sit like everyone else?) on the chair, I type up the ultrasound place in my emails. Last booking confirmation: booking for April 2025. 

…

AHHHH!!! 

Can I book it online? Let’s see, type of appointment: ultrasound → wait until opening hours (8 am – 5 pm) to call and make an appointment. 

…

Well.

…

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

And in that moment… all that liquid cortisol just evaporated out of the swamps of my frontal lobe. Condensing into clouds that probably seeped through the cerebrospinal fluid and the blood-brain barrier, and poofed out of the sides of my ears. 

So… what now? 

The fan goes quiet; it no longer pierces my ears. The intensity of the blue light coming from my monitor dulls. The bed looks promising…

“Huh, where did that come from?”

A small laugh escapes my throat. A chain reaction of laughs is released. Before I know it, I’m rolled up in bed, clutching the side of my pillow, belly-laughing the last hour of stress to sleep…

***

For so long, these experiences I have were never mentioned. I always felt embarrassed when these episodes occurred. Whether public or private, I always felt as though me experiencing this was a sign that I could not control my emotions. I thought it was a sign that no matter how many psychologists and case workers I’ve seen over the years to control my emotions, these episodes would demolish any work I genuinely put forward. I felt like a blubbering and irrational mess… I was ashamed I was incoherent…

But… maybe… don’t we all have these experiences? 

Neurodivergent or not?

Don’t we all have our own little overstimulation episodes? Don’t we all have our little niche moments? Those moments where we are sucked into the depths of our minds? 

Isn’t that just the nicheness of being human? Isn’t that the fun part of being human? The lore that comes after these moments? The small side-laughs, and the big belly-laughs?  

We all malfunction from time to time. Robots do. Tectonic plates do. Weather systems do. So do humans.

And a malfunction isn’t necessarily a malfunction. No, it is just a niche way that our brain is telling us that it, in fact, is working hard to keep us as sane as possible. To keep us in check. To do the right thing by us. 

Of course, it’s going to break down. That’s natural. It doesn’t last forever.

 So… 

At the end of the day…

Why mock us; dehumanise us; downplay us; ignore us, for something that proves we are 100% human?

by Nathan Colebrook

References:

[1] ABC News (2025, 20 June). What does it mean to be overstimulated? APS in ABC News. Australian Psychological Society. https://psychology.org.au/insights/what-does-it-mean-to-be-overstimulated-aps-in-abc