Rated V for Virgin

Online Editor Vanessa Bland examines the romanticisation of the concept of virginity, through its extensive cinematic depictions.

For decades, the silver screen has mythologised the concept of virginity. The “first time” has become a siren song to teenagers wanting to fit in or prove their worth. This siren song echoes through high school hallways, frat houses, suburban bedrooms, and prom night limos — promising transformation, status, or doom. In mythology, sailors crashed against the rocks chasing beauty and mystery. In the movies, it’s the virgin’s quest for sex that lures characters to their figurative deaths — or at least to humiliation, heartbreak, or transformation.

To research this article, I decided to watch American Pie again. I hadn’t seen it since its release in 1999 (when I was a teenager). I didn’t especially enjoy it back then, and I enjoyed it even less now in 2025. In the movie, four high school friends pledge to lose their virginity before they graduate, with the deadline being prom night, which is three weeks away. For these boys, virginity is a burden and having sex becomes a race. One character Kevin, makes a speech early in the movie to rally his friends:

“We must make a stand, here and now. No longer will our penises remain flaccid and unused! We will fight for every man out there who isn't getting laid and should be. This is our day. This is our time. And, by God, we will not stand by and watch history condemn us into celibacy. Yes. We will make a stand. We will succeed. We will get laid!”

This speech, which today reads like incel propaganda, is a familiar rallying cry in teen movies. The characters’ antics may have been considered lighthearted in 1999. Still, there are some very uncomfortable scenes, such as when Jim secretly sets up a webcam and broadcasts a naked Nadia (a girl he has a crush on but hardly knows) over the internet. The most disturbing scene, however, is when Jim decides to defile an apple pie after hearing his friend describe third base as “like warm apple pie”. The “climax” of the scene is Jim’s dad walking in and witnessing his son with a pie tin pressed to his groin. Personally, what bothered me the most was that Jim’s mother had baked a pie from scratch, and it was now ruined. What a waste.

The Breakfast Club’s iconic “answer the question, Claire” scene is one of the most powerful scenes in exploring the teenage dilemma of virginity:

Allison: It's kind of a double-edged sword, isn't it?

Claire: A what?

Allison: Well, if you say you haven't, you're a prude. If you say you have, you're a slut. It's a trap. You want to but you can't, and when you do you wish you didn't, right?

Claire: Wrong.

Allison: Or are you a tease?

Andrew: She's a tease.

Claire: I'm sure. Why don't you just forget it?

Andrew: Oh, you're a tease and you know it. All girls are teases.

John: She's only a tease if what she does gets you hot.

Claire: I don't do anything.

Allison: That's why you're a tease.

Claire: OK, let me ask you a few questions.

Allison: I already told you everything.

Claire: No. Doesn't it bother you to sleep around without being in love? I mean, don't you want any respect?

Allison: I don't screw to get respect. That's the difference between you and me.

Claire: It's not the only difference, I hope.

John: Face it, you're a tease.

Claire: I'm NOT a tease.

John: Sure you are. Sex is your weapon. You said it yourself. You use it to get respect.

Claire: No, I never said that she twisted my words around.

John: What do you use it for then?

Claire: I don't use it, period.

John: Oh, are you medically frigid or is it psychological?

Claire: I didn't mean it that way. You guys are putting words into my mouth.

John: Well, if you'd just answer the question.

Brian: Why don't you just answer the question?

Andrew: Be honest.

John: No big deal.

Brian: Yeah, answer it.

Andrew: Answer the question, Claire.

John: Talk to us. 

Everyone: C'mon, answer the question. Come on. Answer it.

Allison’s observation of the Madonna/Whore dichotomy illustrates the importance of the decision of whether or not to have sex, particularly for women. Claire tries to avoid the question to prevent being labelled. This isn’t only a female dilemma, though, as we see in the conversation between Claire and Brian: 

Claire: Why didn't you want me to know that you are a virgin?

Brian: Because it's personal business. It's my personal, private business.

John: Well, Brian, it doesn't sound like you're doing any business.

Brian is embarrassed to admit to being a virgin, especially in front of Claire. The social pressure on males to be experienced at sex means that, unlike the Madonna/whore issue that faces girls, boys fret over the loser/stud labels. Even when Brian is outed as a virgin, John makes a joke about it, further embarrassing him. Although The Breakfast Club isn’t very PC anymore, just like American Pie, it defined a generation’s attitude to sex.

Voluntary celibacy is treated better amongst female characters, such as Cher in Clueless:

Tai: Cher, you're a virgin?

Cher: You say that like it's a bad thing.

Dionne: Besides, the PC term is "Hymenally challenged".

Although her friends lightly tease Cher, she is strong in her choices and remains popular and desirable amongst her peers. Although she is treated as unusual for her choices, she isn’t treated as uptight (like Claire) or as a loser (like Brian). Perhaps this is because she is willing (with the right person), as we see when she attempts to seduce Christian. Cher is seen as simply picky, not frigid or holier than thou.

[about keeping her virginity]

Cher: You see how picky I am about my shoes, and they only go on my feet.

Couples willing to wait until after marriage are rarely seen on screen and tend to be restricted to period dramas or faith-based films. This is a shame because it reinforces the pressure on young people to fit in by having sex earlier, and perhaps before they are ready. Portrayals that do appear in mainstream movies tend to make fun of the concept or depict it as strange. For example, the weird Christian honeymooners in Forgetting Sarah Marshall:

Darald: Let me just say that if God was a city planner he would not put a playground next to a sewage system!

Although the couple is very funny, their portrayal suggests that it’s not socially normal to wait until after marriage to have sex. Furthermore, people who do so end up with strange sexual hang-ups. 

The 40-Year-Old Virgin also reinforces this idea as the main character Andy, waits so long to have sex that it becomes an albatross around his neck. He gets terrible advice, and losing his virginity becomes an end in itself, rather than a means to a fulfilling relationship. Ultimately, he finds somebody that he loves and marries prior to having sex, so the ending is positive, but the general concept of the movie suggests that “waiting” is a punchline rather than an ideal.

Superbad, like American Pie and The 40-Year-Old Virgin, treats sex with urgency. Seth and Evan are both virgins and decide that if they attend a party with drunk girls, they might lose their troublesome virginity:

Seth: You know, when you hear girls say, “Ah man, I was so shit-faced last night, I shouldn't have fucked that guy?” We could be that mistake!

These characters each have a particular crush in mind (Becca and Jules) that they hope to have sex with, and they spend the whole film trying to bring alcohol to the party to solidify their reputations and impress the girls (and thereby have sex with them). In the end, Evan is given the opportunity to have sex with Becca and chooses not to do it as the moment isn’t what he imagined. Seth discovers that Jules likes him, but due to his drunkenness, she doesn’t wish to kiss him. Neither boy loses his virginity at the mythologised party, but the following day, the girls want to spend time with them and so they seem to have gained girlfriends instead. They both show the promise of growth and maturity (and the promise of eventual sex).

Two darker examples I’d like to mention are The Virgin Suicides and Carrie. These both explore a more sinister side of sexual awakening and repression. The Virgin Suicides focuses on five teenage sisters who commit suicide, and the boys who loved them. The girls are mythological beings to the boys.

Narrators: We knew the girls were really women in disguise, that they understood love, and even death, and that our job was merely to create the noise that seemed to fascinate them.

The girls’ suicides follow a period where they are locked up and prevented from socialising with boys, or even from attending school. Only one of the sisters (Lux) loses her virginity and then quickly spirals into promiscuity. Therese, Mary, Bonnie and Cecelia die virgins.

Carrie is also a film that shows the darker side of repressing a sexual awakening. Carrie, a bullied schoolgirl with a religious fanatic mother, discovers that she has telekinetic powers. The powers significantly manifest with the onset of menstruation. Carrie’s mother considers her menstruation (and powers) to be evidence of sin on Carrie’s part and attempts to further punish her and distance her from her peers. When popular and handsome Tommy asks Carrie to prom, it seems as though Carrie might overcome her obstacles and shift from bullied teenager to beautiful young woman. Unfortunately, a cruel prank at prom sees Carrie unleashing her powers on her classmates and teachers, and finally dying alongside her mother. Both Carrie and The Virgin Suicides explore the repression of adolescent desire.

Whether it's American Pie treating consent like a punchline, The Breakfast Club wearing their sexual experience, or lack of it, like a weapon or a wound, or The Virgin Suicides turning purity into something ghostly and untouchable, film loves to mythologise the “first time.” However, virginity on screen is rarely about sex; it’s more about identity, pressure, and performance. And while the scripts change with the decades, the siren’s song still plays: seductive, dangerous, and often completely out of tune with reality.