Sailor Narrowly Avoids Siren Death-Trap – “She Was a 6/10 Anyway”

Editorial Assistant Bethany Sharman humorously critiques the cries of sailors disappointed by “mid” sirens. 

After a near-death encounter with a siren on Tuesday, a local sailor reportedly took to social media to share his account of the traumatic experience. He briefly detailed that the alluring siren song he was promised turned out to be nothing better than a regurgitation of “the usual junk” typically heard on the radio – commercial music he claimed was so overdone it “almost killed [him].” Yet out of such a whirlpool of disappointment emerged a single detail that appears to have enraged him above all others. 

The siren in question? “Mid.” 

“Sure, she did have good face symmetry, but her mouth was so big it was actually scary,” the fifty-two year old sailor wrote, adding in the replies that the thirty-five year old siren looked about twelve years older than she actually was. Of course, a decade is but a drop in the ocean of a thousand-year life-span, but the years do add up. 

He continued, “there are much hotter maidens at the local taverns than in Aeaea in general.” When asked if he would recommend the experience to young seafarers, he simply stated he didn’t “get the hype.” 

As sirens across the sea face increasing backlash over daring to be kind of attractive rather than showstopping-ly beautiful, it comes as no surprise that hundreds of the internet’s most credible anonymous users have voiced their communal frustration and concerns for the future of the industry. “Sirens have always been the picture of enchanting beauty,” one commentator noted, “but they just don’t look natural these days.” 

With sailors’ standards at an apparent record low, one has to wonder why the sirens of today aren’t putting enough effort into looking attractive. After all, it cannot be that difficult to fit into their extremely accommodating and widely diverse set of, as one sailor stated, “personal preferences.” 

The local sailor is now reportedly taking a break from seafaring to launch his new earplug brand, Drown Out.