Soulless Sex

Editorial Assistant Elizabete Lasmane delves into the good, bad and ugly of Dating App and Hookup Culture.

Dear reader, this piece explores the devaluation of sexual intimacy, “Hookup Culture” and its negative manifestations, and the global loss of interest in genuine connections due to the frequent use of dating apps amongst our generation. Please enjoy it with a cup of your comfort drink. 

“Hookup Culture” has become a global movement for our generation, manifesting in different forms across our macrosphere. It usually refers to sexual relations without commitment or emotional intimacy, and embraces “one-night stands”. Moreover, many individuals use dating apps, such as Hinge, Tinder, Bumble, and Grindr, to find another individual who is willing to participate in sex without commitments. As a result of the high use of dating apps, our generation started judging and selecting individuals based mainly on physical appearance, very often overlooking attributes of personality traits and qualities.

The movement could be seen as a generalisation of the good old term “Friends With Benefits”, but on a bigger scale. “And what is the problem with that?” you might ask. And I will reply: “I believe that by normalising sexual intercourse without commitment and by globally approving the use and popularity of dating apps, our generation is losing interest in forming and searching for genuine connections and devalues sexual intimacy”. Hence the title: Soulless Sex. 

In this opinion piece, I am not imposing any sort of judgment on anyone’s preferences nor lifestyle. This is not a personal attack on anyone, their sexual choices, or partners. This is a safe space with an invitation to step outside the comfort zone.  

My first concern is the growing global lack of interest in genuine connections, caused by factors such as the mainstream nature of dating apps and the previously mentioned culture.  Dating apps encourage users to assess others based on their physical appearance, height, education, age, etc. As a result, it becomes impossible to find a real interest and a connection since the physical appearance-based judgment blocks any chances for a potential genuine relationship. It is almost like these apps narrow down the person and their life experience to just a profile. 

For a more personalised approach to this piece, I have experimented with using such an app for about a week. At first, I have to be honest with you, it was amazing. Incredible, even. I was receiving tons of compliments, and men were asking me on dates. I felt very confident in my looks; however, day by day, my mind devalued the individuals on the app due to a high volume of profiles, turning them into numbers. Just numbers. No name, no age, no life experience. Hell, I even started giving them nicknames since it was easier to remember if I had an association, such as Melbourne finance guy or Sydney vet clinic guy. By giving some users nicknames and seeing them as only numbers (i.e., “Oh, I got 26 likes today”), I have inadvertently fallen into a trap and minimised their humanity. I turned real people with their own stories into tangible objects that I was able to access just by opening my phone. They were within my reach, and this is what makes dating apps addictive. There was no need to put effort into searching for relations. It became too accessible. Too easy. Just like “Hookup Culture”. 

My second concern is “Hookup Culture” itself. Again, there is nothing wrong with being a part of this movement. I am merely expressing my dissatisfaction. Sexual expression is considered a basic human need since it is our brain’s understanding of how to stay safe, by reproducing. On Maslow’s hierarchy of needs^[1], sexual activity stands as the primary physiological need. Thus, it is no wonder that such culture is a global movement. However, my contradiction is expressed in sex without any particular romantic or emotional relations and its consequences. Moreover, the fact that it is so much normalised. 

Honestly, it is hard to have casual sexual intimacy without the romantic bit. During sex, the hormone oxytocin is released, which is sometimes called the love hormone^[2]. Because of its release, we might get attached to a sexual partner and therefore create a bond. But nowadays, having sex does not mean continuation of the relationship and something bigger. You might never see the person again. And there you go; the consequences of experiencing sexual intimacy without commitment: if you are a person who bonds with people quite fast, then it is hard to live with a feeling of being connected, which is not always mutual. So you feel connected, but you are alone. However, nobody talks about these types of consequences; moreover, it seems that waiting for love and romance sounds pathetic today. Asking for love, not for lust. 

Sex without commitment became so normalised that nowadays, on first dates, some individuals expect to “get lucky tonight” by offering to pay for the dinner. As if you “owe to pay back” for their own choice of actions. As if a $50 meal is equivalent to an intimate process of exchanging energies, emotions, and a unique feeling of closeness. 

One-night stands are great for releasing sexual frustrations, especially if your libido and sexual drive are high. However, I believe we are losing the magic of sex. 

We are losing our soul. 

References:

[1]McLeod, Saul. “Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.” Simply Psychology, 14 Mar. 2025,

www.simplypsychology.org/maslow.html. 

[2] MacGill, Markus. “Oxytocin: The Love Hormone?” Www.medicalnewstoday.com, 4 Sept.

2017, www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/275795.