Spice Up Your Relationship with the Love Languages

Contributor Georgia Sullivan guides us through how knowing and mastering speaking your partner’s love language is the key to the ultimate sensual experience.

You may have heard of the love languages before as a way of understanding the best ways to receive love and how to display your love for another person. It’s important to appreciate that people are going to have different love languages than you, even if they are your true love [2]. The love languages consist of Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Quality Time, Gift Giving and Physical Touch. This will give you ideas on how to spice up the love languages and build on your romantic relationships. 

Words of Affirmation

More than just saying I love you, although it is still a big part of it, Words of Affirmation includes using “words that build up” another person [3]. As an anxious teenager who grew up mainly communicating on Snapchat, I was desperate to hear compliments as confirmation that the shy guy was actually into me. It’s important to recognise that Words of Affirmation begin with recognition of your loved one and can start with compliments or simple thanks [3].

Boast about your loved one in front of your friends—An exciting group dinner could be the best time to quickly share your partner’s recent achievements or to actively shower them in positivity within an audience. 

Dual Journal—A flip journal where you and your partner communicate by sharing your favourite things about each other. This may take form as a letter, poem or just a note about their actions and traits and can be kept as personal memories to share in future.  

Acts of Service 

Acts of Service begins with knowing your partner well and thinking of kind things that you can do for them [3]. This sentiment is conveyed in Katy Perry’s viral quote, “If I come downstairs and the kitchen is clean, you done it all […] and you’ve closed all the pantry doors” [4], she will be pleased to have a partner ready to contribute to the household. Doing mundane chores for your partner or doing nice things without them having to even ask, is the foundation of showing love through Acts of Service [2]. 

Fill up the car—When driving to campus or work during peak hour and realising you’re sitting on 20-to-empty, having to pull into the petrol station, to stand there for longer because the pump isn’t working, and now we smell like fuel… just fill up their car. It is so kind and takes the boring job off their endless to-do list [2]. 

Plan a trip—Think of a place your partner has always said they want to see. Take control, plan a weekend and book the flights or hire the car. A stay-cation to Kiama or Killcare could still be made most romantic with just a little extra thought.  

Quality Time 

Quality Time is not just being beside someone while doing something else; it’s about “giving [them] your undivided attention” [3]. Now, we don’t want to just be basic like Julia and Grayson in MAFS’ Intimacy Week where shallow personal questions were being fired off one by one [5]. Instead, 

Learn a new recipe—Cooking a pasta like gnocchi from scratch takes time and physical contact. Maybe try wearing only aprons, but make sure you tie your hair up!

Role-play—whether it’s out in the club pretending you’ve just met each other, or driving out to the dream neighbourhood together and acting out your life there. It could even be re-enacting your favourite spicy book scene. 

Gift Giving and Receiving 

My personal favourite, and no, it’s not materialistic. As someone who loves to talk a lot, it proves that someone is listening to you. Gift Giving revolves around focusing on gifts that are given to you out of love, and that indicate to the receiver that you thought of them enough to tell you [3].

Make a Spotify playlist—Curating a playlist of songs that remind you of a certain person you love and sharing that with them is beyond romantic. Make sure you include songs that indicate how much love you feel for them. 

Bake fresh cinnamon scrolls—If your loved one cannot get enough of sweet treats, take the time to bake their favourite. Cinnamon scrolls are the sweetest treats and can be thoughtfully packaged in crisp brown baking paper.  

Physical Touch 

Physical Touch has become an inevitable part of relationships today, and touch is most commonly associated with initiating sexual intimacy, but it doesn’t have to be. These are ways that aren’t.

Brushing Hair—If you run your fingers through your man’s hair, you will often reach his sweet spot and leave him wanting more. Additionally, brushing your partner’s hair can lead to stress-release and a calming connection to you.  

Massages with scented oils—A deep body massage can be the perfect way to relax and feel connected to your body and partner. To turn the spice level up, add some scented oils that make you blush! Try: Patchouli (the soothing purple flower that will make you reach harmony), Sandalwood (the calming oil that promotes desire and boosts libido—ensure you dilute!), Ylang Ylang (the relaxing oil often found on a wedding night, heightens feelings of intimacy) or Rose (the romantic flower that reduces stress and anxiety may assist you to feel sensual and connected to your partner) [1].

by Georgia Sullivan

References

[1] Baker, M. (2022, April 6). Find the Perfect Essential Oil for a Romantic Massage. Earthsun Essentials. https://www.earthsunessentials.com.au/find-the-perfect-essential-oil-for-a-romantic-massage/

[2] Carabello Pineiro, S.M., Howard, M. & Saint Thomas, S. Acts of service: your everything-to-know guide to what this love language actually means. Cosmopolitan. https://www.cosmopolitan.com/uk/love-sex/relationships/a61761611/acts-of-service-love-language/

[3] Chapman, G. (1995). The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts (2^nd ed.). Northfield Publishing Chicago. https://ucuilorin.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/the-5-love-languages-gary-chapman.pdf

[4] Cooper, A. (Host). (2024, September 50). Katy Perry: Narcissists, Blow Jobs & Red Flags [Audio Podcast episode] In Call Her Daddy. The Unwell Network. 

[5] Paul, K. (Producer) & Potter, R. (Director). (2026, February 16). (Season 13, Episode 10) [Married At First Sight]. In Endemol Shine Australia (Executive Producer).