That Freakish Thing Called Gender Envy

Ash muses on their experience with gender envy.

As a transmasc non-binary, I am pretty familiar with gender envy and the feeling and thoughts that it provokes, but for those who are unaware here’s a crash course:

Gender envy: “A casual term primarily used by transgender people to describe an individual they aspire to be like. It often refers to having envy for an individual’s expression of gender (for example, wanting the physical features, voice, mannerisms, style, etc; of a specific gender)” [1].

Now anyone can experience gender envy, although the way cisgender people experience it, would most likely be different to transgender, non-binary or gender diverse people, because gender dysphoria also comes into the equation. 

Prior to realising I was a lesbian, I wasn’t too sure what I felt towards men, always either fictional characters or unattainable celebrities. But then everything clicked with both my gender and sexuality, and I realised that no I wasn’t attracted to men but just found myself envious of their appearances and gender. 

Now here’s a shortened list of some people that give “gender” to me:

1. Pat Carrigan, Brisbane Broncos player

2. Steve Harrington, character from Stranger Things

3. Lewis Hamilton, Formula One driver

Gender envy is freaky in the best way, and although it’s taken some time to wrap my head around my feelings, it’s also weirdly euphoric to me, and gives me aspirations as a transmasc baby. 

Gender envy isn’t one size fits all and it’s a phenomena I’ve (happily) explained to my cisgender friends many times. 

To those who also get gender envy, we’re pretty cool, no matter who is making you envious – although sometimes I’ll judge. 

ENDNOTES:

[1] PFLAG. “LGBTQ+ Glossary.” PFLAG, 2023, pflag.org/glossary/.