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The Mescal Mite

Do you lust over Paul Mescal? Don’t lie, we know you do. Nilab Siddiqi dives into how up-and-coming Irish actor, Paul Mescal, has stormed the hearts of the world!

Do you find yourself experiencing the following symptoms when looking at a picture of Paul Mescal?

  • Heart palpitations

  • Sweaty palms

  • Blown out pupils (which transform into love hearts)

  • Shivers

  • Increasing desire to run into a forest and become a wood sprite

If so, I’m sorry to inform you that you’ve been bitten, and infected, by the Mescal Mite. 

I don’t know how it started for me, really. Maybe I’ll place the blame on Twitter. Yeah, let’s blame Twitter. 

Over the last few years, I, among hundreds upon thousands, of regular people have fallen victim to the allure of Mr. Paul Mescal. All-in-all, he’s a pretty regular 20-something-year-old guy from somewhere in Ireland, but he’s also got the sex appeal of the most attractive man on Earth (No, I don’t care if you disagree. Take it up with your mother).  

What started as me gazing at a picture of him strolling around in booty shorts has developed into a semi-serious devotion to the actor and all his endeavours. I am better than no man. I see a pale Irishman in itty-bitty shorts and lose my mind for 3+ years. I’ve been bitten by the Mite, and quite frankly, this Mite has crawled into my brain, turned it all to mush, and is now controlling me like Remy controlled Linguini in Ratatouille

Many people in my life simply don’t understand Mescal’s sex appeal. All I can say is they just don’t get it! He’s got it all: the good looks, the Irish accent, the humbleness which accompanies someone who at some point or other despised themselves with a passion, the little waist, the shaggy mullet, the baby blues, and undying talent, of course. 

Most people know Mescal from his break-out role as Connell from Normal People, a show for hot deranged girls based on a book by Sally Rooney for hot deranged girls. Alongside Daisy Edgar Jones, he dominated the show with his charming accent and willingness to be vulnerable. Well, people know him for that and for dating – and then breaking up with – Phoebe Bridgers (but we don’t talk about that) (ever).

I’d say my infatuation with Mescal hadn’t been particularly notable until I saw a TikTok of him speaking Irish with an interviewer. I sat down and watched every second of the video, rewinded it, watched it again and begged God to put me out of my misery. What’s so attractive about a man speaking his native tongue? I don’t know. I really don’t know. The Mite works in mysterious ways. 

After that, things snowballed very quickly. 

Now, I run around and convince my friends of his charm and appeal. It’s gotten so bad I managed to get a framed picture of him in the Grapeshot office, for the entire team to enjoy. I’ve even printed a picture of him and stuck it up behind the counter at my retail job. 

There is unfortunately no known cure for the Mite. My theory is that once the Mite has had its fill of annihilating its victim’s brain cells, it gets bored and wanders off to find a new victim.

To those out there experiencing similar symptoms, I wish you luck. 

To hear more of Nilab's thoughts on Paul Mescal and her process and inspiration behind developing this piece, tune into GrapePod's episode 2 ' Squeeze - The Mescal Mite' at the QR Code below

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