The Ultimate Guide to Moving House Without Losing Your Mind

Ever torn your hair out while moving house? Editorial Assistant Vanessa Bland empathises.

One week ago, I sat on my bed surrounded by a fortress of cardboard boxes, tears streaming down my cheeks like a baby. My nerves were shot and frayed from moving five freaking times in the last four years. You would think I’d be a pro at it by now, but nope, I still suck at it.

I’ve moved five times in the last four years and I thought I was getting better at it, but this last one was a doozy. For starters, the previous owner had done some creative DIY around the place, including building a kitchen bench that blocked the ability to remove a fridge through the door (note to self: be wary when a fridge is included with the place). They also used silicone to seal cords behind the kitchen benches (tip: always check power points when viewing a potential new home).

After spending four months in storage, my fridge was now a breeding ground for mould (tip: either leave the door open or fully clean and defrost a fridge before putting it into storage). To top it all off, not all of my furniture fit into the new place and dealing with Facebook Marketplace was a headache (take note: “Is this still available?” messages are usually from tyre-kickers).

Despite these challenges, I thought buying this unit would bring a sense of freedom—no more dealing with slumlords or unhelpful real estate agents! Alas, I quickly discovered that dealing with strata managers and owners’ corporations could be just as exhausting. In fact, after settling into my new place, I soon realised that every window was firmly stuck (mental note: always test windows before purchasing a property). A month has passed and I am still battling to get approval to fix them—not ideal during the hot summer months.

I had ambitiously titled this article The Ultimate Guide to Moving House Without Losing Your Mind, but in all honesty, I’m not sure if I’ve truly survived this move unscathed. In my moments of desperation, I have found solace in watching Teletubbies on TV (fun fact: there is an entire channel devoted to the popular children’s show on Samsung TVs). Dipsy’s pimp hat, the bunnies, and the adorable live-action scenes with kids have provided a much-needed sense of calm. I’ve also taken up buying crossword magazines for both entertainment and the chance to win cash and prizes (who knew?!).

As the wall of boxes gradually comes down, my crying spells are slowly subsiding. However, it took me several hours and two panic attacks just to decide what to do with all the empty boxes (note: check with local councils for locations of recycling centres).

Despite living in close proximity, I have yet to meet my new neighbours—although I did hear quite a bit of commotion from the unit below me when an electrician came to fix those pesky power points for me (apparently, my neighbour was not a fan of the drill). With more tradies scheduled to come over in the next few days, I can only hope that my soon-to-be neighbour has invested in some good earplugs (side note: can you get a restraining order against someone who lives next door? A quick Google search is in order).

In the midst of all this chaos, I pray that I haven’t completely lost my mind. My nerves have definitely taken a beating. And with the start of another semester looming, I can only hope to bid farewell to my beloved Teletubbies and crossword puzzles in pursuit of that coveted HD grade…