What Lies Beneath The Surface: The Reality Of Living With Anxiety
- kayleighgreig
- Sep 13
- 4 min read
Editorial Assistant Juliette Allen relays the motions of living with anxiety, whilst juggling the rest of life’s demands.
[Author's Note]
This piece in no way encompasses the entirety of the different lived experiences people have with anxiety, as no one’s reality is the same and the varying degrees of anxiety that individuals have come in a myriad of complex forms, not always from traumas, fears or illnesses but also from the everyday or mundane experiences where anxiety is commonplace. This piece also doesn’t serve to denote all the ways in which people cope and/or deal with anxiety, nor is this about sympathy for my own experience; this is not a sad story! Instead, I’d like it to capture what is not often overt or expressed, such as the unconscious anxious habits that to the naked eye of others, may go unnoticed. There’s much that, at least for me, lies beneath the surface. And I hope that with my sharing of what the reality is like for me, day-to-day, there’s some understanding, relatability, or indeed more awareness to those who have friends or loved ones who live with anxiety.
___________
In the morning, when others may wake to the joy, or indeed acceptance, of another day, or begrudgingly open one eye, feigning for more sleep, I wake some days with an already exhausting dread, hoping for a smooth day with no obstacles that could potentially cause anxiety in any way. Thus comes an avoidance to get out of bed and face the outside world, because why should I leave my comfortable safety nest, otherwise known as my bedroom? And indeed for a little while I didn’t, not really. For a while, a few years ago, at my lowest, I had agoraphobia. Yes, that one… the fear of basically going anywhere other than my house. Thankfully, that didn’t last too long; if the people around me hadn’t gotten me out of the house, I probably wouldn't have left for a while. I mean, why should I? I’ve got everything I need, right? Wrong. This is now relatively a thing of the past. Of course, there are some days when ‘bed rotting’ is a little too irresistible and in some cases is needed to have time to reset. Interestingly, though, if you met me now, you wouldn’t even be able to tell, definitely not from my Instagram anyway, but that doesn’t really tell you anything. That’s the thing with social media, isn’t it? You may think people are ‘living their best life’ and it's all about connection, but you never really know what happens beneath the surface and how isolated people can be in their own world.
A couple habits I’ve picked up along the way to alleviate my anxiety include things like knowing where all the exits are at any given place, not in a Jason Bourne kinda way, for the ultimate getaway if under attack, but rather a general awareness, so that if my flight response kicks in at any given point, I know where to run, or even more specifically, in my case, I note where all the bins are; I always have. I know you're thinking that’s odd, it's just something that ties in with my overarching phobia that has plagued me for as long as I can remember: Emetephobia, the fear of throwing up, which some think is silly or others reduce to the simple idea that, well, no one likes being sick, but for a lot of people out there this is a very real phobia that can leave people housebound, like me for a moment in time, or in extreme cases cause disordered eating, which I have also had.
Other coping strategies I’ve adopted have been things like choosing my seating at places like restaurants, specifically whatever seating option blocks most of the customers out of sight, or indeed the seat that is closest to the exit. In high school, specifically, I am sure my peers wondered about the number of times I went to the bathroom in class or indeed assembly, which was the worst, having everyone look at you, but this time was a necessity in order to just recollect myself. Other practical ways of coping are simpler, such as having gum after meals as somewhat of a palate cleanser, but also to avoid worrying about the flavours emanating in my mouth for too long. Or indeed a more recent habit to chew a QuickEze, which has helped me a lot when coming down from a panic attack because of the acidity that builds up with all the adrenaline. There is also the emotional support water bottle, and you best believe I don’t go anywhere without it; you never know if you're going to have a coughing fit or need water after having a dry mouth from panic. And before you say it.. It’s not a Stanley… It's Lululemon, and I love her. Always, my Lulu and I are against the world.
All of these strategies are happening daily, and there are many more; of course I have medication and counselling and have so much support from friends and family and cuddles with my puppy, but all of this is occurring whilst I attend uni, volunteer opinions in tuts, complete assessments, go to out to concerts and try to live life to its absolute fullest. And yet what lies beneath the surface for me and so so many others is a complex world of feeling overwhelmed, meeting challenges, and pushing through. This is not a sad story; this is a story of the perseverance and resilience of myself and those living with anxiety.
If you or someone you know feel the need for support, please see the list of services below.
Lifeline: 13 11 14
Beyond Blue: 1300 22 4636
Suicide Call Back Service: 1300 659 467
Headspace: 1800 650 890
Comments