A Eulogy for Modern Romance

Libby Heussler laments a by-gone era of lasting love replaced by the superficiality of dating apps.

Every generation has their great acts of love. From the “parting is such sweet sorrow”s of the 16th century to the “I learned French for you!”s of the late 90s, for as long as humans have walked the earth, love has been in the air—or at least, lust, in those early years. But today, nothing compares to the ultimate declaration of love: a message from James (Hinge), reading “Ur cute ig lmao.” 

Why does this act of modern love stand out compared to the grand displays of the past? Because it SUCKS!!!

An epidemic of nonchalance has swiftly swept the nation, almost overnight. Star-crossed lovers become situationships, and a poem of unrequited love is now an unsolicited dick pic. From the throes of passion to throwing my phone at a wall because James (Hinge) doesn't even have the energy to type the full word ‘you’re’ (assuming he would even use the right one), I can’t help but wonder, where has all the romance gone? 

The act of approaching someone in person and the subtle nuances of a flirty conversation now seem to be lost arts, replaced by what feels like posting flyers of oneself with a name, age, a nice photo and ‘LONELY’ written in big fat letters on the top, a.k.a—the dating apps.  Who needs to get to know someone, when you have their romantic resume right at your fingertips? 

When given such a wide range of possible romantic partners via apps, the joy of creating a true romance is almost entirely eliminated from modern relationships. The idea that approaching someone and having long-winded conversations that require you to discover and learn about another person could only lead to a possible relationship, sounds utterly ridiculous and time-consuming! The mentality is now one of “why put all your eggs in one basket?” and translates to “why put a strong amount of effort into one person, when you could put a slightly below average amount into 15 people at once! Surely one will work out!” 

To me, romance should feel like hope. It should be embracing connection, be dedication, be trying. Romance should not be half-assed; it should not feel desperate or low effort; it should not be the reward of a total lack of care and intention like it often is today. Romance is vulnerability; it is bold & unashamed and worth it. 

And if anyone agrees, I’m always up for dinner and a movie ;) 

by Libby Heussler