The Wrong One.

Editorial Assistant Elizabete Lasmane explores the flurry of anxiety and anticipation that accompanies her visions of The One, and whether they’re The Wrong One.

“What if when they come over, it’s going to be the best night ever? Or the worst? Or you’ll fall in love and get married? Or they’ll never text you again? Or you’ll ghost them? How will they see you: as cute and beautiful, or weird and strange?” are the thoughts EVERY girl has ever thought at any point in her relationship, along with the butterflies in the stomach, anxiety, sweaty hands, and excitement. But how do we distinguish between excitement and anxiety? Which should be the leading sign of your internal state? How should you feel after a date—calm and neutral, excited and happy, or nervous and waiting for a text? 

With the amount of information our generation has access to, it can be highly confusing to determine what the acceptable rules of relationships are. The idea of exploring ourselves until we find the correct answer sounds valid; however, it takes time and mental health, which appears to be the main asset nowadays. Moreover, freedom of choice is scary, as it presents unlimited possibilities, opening a billion doors to literally ANYTHING. Additionally, our generation prioritises mental health so much that we forget that living life is a risk. Everyone is afraid to get hurt. So how does one approach this dilemma? How does one learn what the ultimate, correct, and most efficient way to love is? 

They say the best relationship is when you feel the calmest on your dates. But what about the excitement before meeting them? Is that considered an emotionally safe feeling that indicates the start of a healthy relationship? I personally have no clue. Anytime a good, interesting guy finds me, who means well and has great manners, I feel calm, but bored. I also do not feel a high physical attraction to him, despite his looks and the way he’s treated me. Everyone says that I should just wait, and then I will fall in love. But is that the correct way of loving—waiting to fall in love, and staying patient? 

Also, quick question—how much of our romantic decisions are affected by our previous relations? What about the first love? My first love was great, awesome, even. My first love somewhat reflects my type in men, but it does not shape it. Leading to the next dilemma—why do we like a certain type of man? Tall, charismatic assholes with great shoulders and ZERO emotional intelligence. And how is that a universal experience? Like, where is that even coming from? Based on the media we see? I doubt that. We have seen so many cartoons, movies, and series with different types of men who treat women correctly. There’s a lack of self-respect across so many cultures? 

Yeah right… Or trauma from previous relationships? I see the appeal, though—they are attractive: careless, confident, beautiful. But if we are choosing a partner, I would assume it would be in our best interests to find the one who makes you feel safe, seen, whole, and confident in yourself, right?

So why do we like the wrong ones that turn the butterflies into knives in our stomachs? 

And are they the wrong ones?

by Elizabete Lasmane