“When She A Freak FR”: Musing On Women’s Inability To Articulate Lust

Editorial Assistant Ella Barker exposes an absence of women’s sexual agency, and the dark veil of social expectation lowered over us all.

the song ‘punish’ by ethel cain has a number of interpretations. i personally take it as commentary on a woman’s ability (or lack thereof) to express sexual desire, both within and outside of a religious context. we are punished for doing so, labelled as whores, sluts, pick-me’s. we cannot be sexual beings—at least, not when we want to be.

(whatever’s wrong with me

i will take to bed

i give in so easy

nature chews on me

little death like lead

poisonous and heavy

it has always been this way

it has always been this way

i am punished by love)

the lyrics to summer walker’s ‘girls need love’ are much more obvious, with the song’s meaning very explicitly being that women experience horniness too. it’s not just for men, even if that’s what they have decided. a woman’s libido and desires hold just as much importance, and she should be able to ask for what she wants when she wants it without being told she needs to cover it (and herself) back up.

(girls can't never say they want it

girls can't never say how

girls can't never say they need it

girls can’t never say now)

women are expected to hide their sexual desires—keep themselves pure, innocent, veiled from lust—and yet men want a partner who will perform upon demand. sex is non-negotiable. they sexualise us outside the bedroom; a tongue poking out in a selfie is “teasing,” wearing tight clothing is “asking for it,” and having an alternative style is “goonbait.” they ask us to put a veil over our sexual desires, yet they tear it off when they want to, pushing their own to make us the perfect doll. we cannot ask for what we want; we must beg, and even then, we may not get it. we are mocked for expressing desire, for wanting to explore. yet the men can do and say as they please. they have no need or desire to veil themselves or their lust, so they simply don’t. it’s almost laughable, their hypocrisy, but also my own. sometimes i wish they would clothe their desires and keep them away from me—a number of personal experiences have revealed that too many men are unaware of the concept of “time and place.”

i’m not going to sit here and unveil my own sexual desires (i don’t know you well enough). but wouldn’t it be so freeing to live without the fear of doing so? why do i have to let a man choose when i can unveil that part of myself? ultimately, it is a part of me, one that deserves to be respected. why am i expected to veil my whole self: my body, my face, my personality, my wants, my needs…until a man decides he wants me to give myself entirely? if i want to veil, regardless of whether it’s my desires or my hair, it should be my veil, and my hands taking it on and off.

by Ella Barker