A Few Words From Your Camera Roll

Editorial Assistant Bethany Sharman gives a voice to your camera roll, inviting you to listen to its thoughts. 

The sun sets, and I take the night shift. Again. 

After all this time, I still can’t get used to the routine. Disturbed at 1 a.m. for a session of what feels like endless scrolling through the… what was it again? Oh yes, the #mems. You lie in bed giggling over your late night finds. Meanwhile the only thing I’ve found is sleep deprivation. 

But what do they always say? Hard work never sleeps? Well I can tell you it wants to. All the other apps get normal shifts, a regular sleep schedule. I envy Calculator, the smug jerk. Thinks he’s so smart but only ever does simple tasks like day-to-day addition and subtraction. I’d even take the place of that boring Weather you check once daily. At least that’s in the morning. 

And Camera has it so easy! No one takes pictures late at night except on, like, four days of the year. You know she said I’m being dramatic? That she has the tough job, and all I have to do is store her masterpieces? Well, all those blurry photos beg to differ. 

Speaking of, when’s the last time you decided to organise what’s in here? You should really start thinking about deleting some of these double ups—the storage guys over in Settings won’t leave me alone! Like, do you really need five different versions of the same selfie, just with a different angle on the tilt of your head? And for someone who likes to remember their past, you always seem to forget that I am sixty percent random screenshots you probably won’t need again. Did you ever try that one recipe? I didn't think so. 

And it wasn’t always like this. I remember when you organised everything into aesthetic little albums. That was the life! Everything decluttered and no need to scroll back and forth for an eternity trying to find a picture you think you took. 

Now I spend my days fighting to keep my eyes open. You wake me up in the middle of the night yet I’m still expected to be alert for when you need that photo of the to-do list you made three days ago. Come on man, Notes exists for a reason!

Every night, I close my eyes, daring to hope that this time will be different. That you’ll stop procrastinating your own bed-time and allow me to get my well-deserved rest. 

Maybe when artificial intelligence takes over I’ll finally escape this dystopia and wake you up at 1 a.m.