Horoscopes

Aries: Tired of talking to ChatGPT? Get outside, touch some grass, and maybe find a new social circle. The internet will still be there when you get back.

Taurus: Feeling lost? A good spring clean will do you some good. And yes, that includes getting rid of those shoes you outgrew two years ago.

Gemini: The New Year haze has left you feeling frazzled. Take some “me time”. I sense a massage. Or maybe I just really want one.

Cancer: You’re a water sign for a reason—go with the flow. And don’t let anyone tell you that you’re too emotional.

Leo: A new movie will grace the screens during your sign—head to the cinema and make a night of it. Just maybe avoid the popcorn.

Virgo: A bad plan is still a plan. Break out that Excel spreadsheet and start plotting. Revenge or success? Either way, you’ll do it efficiently.

Libra: The dating pools are full—get over that old ex. Just depends, is it with a fling or a ring? And beware of blondes…

Scorpio: Your perfectionist streak is leading you down a path you never planned—like enrolling in a unit you never wanted to take. A high distinction isn’t worth your sanity!

Sagittarius: Embrace your inner child. Will that be a jelly sandal blast from the past? Or a trip to a therapist?

Capricorn: Failed a unit last semester? Don’t sweat it! Time to try defying gravity—just don’t go too far West.

Aquarius: In this Year of the Snake, don’t be afraid to be your authentic self. But watch out for the real snakes ahead.

Pisces: New year = new you? Maybe. Pick up some new hobbies—I sense a Pinterest mood board in your future.