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M-Extractor-5000

  • bethnicholls62
  • 2 days ago
  • 2 min read

What happens to memories once a person dies? 


Well, in the past, they would disappear. But now, with our newest and most innovative memory extractor, you can have your memories harvested and preserved for eternity!


Oh no! Did you just hit the big 80? 


Maybe it’s time for you to invest in the process of memory extraction. That way, when you die, you can leave your family and friends with the greatest gift they could ever have asked for — an eighty-year-long film of your entire life!


Don’t your kids deserve to see the moment they were conceived? And your grandkids — wouldn’t they want to see what a kind and loving parent you were to their own parents? Wouldn’t your spouse want to see themselves through your own eyes?


Don’t be selfish, share your memories! 


For a bonus $2M, you can even choose to delete certain memories from your collection before you share them! And included in that price is a guarantee that we won’t report any content in the collection to the authorities. 


Did you witness a murder back in 2192? No problems! Our lips are zipped. 


Did you commit murder back in 2203? That’s fine, we’re sure you had your reasons. 


Discretion and privacy is of the utmost importance to us, and we guarantee that we will uphold your wishes long after you’re gone. However, I’m sure you know that certain terms and conditions apply. 


In order for us to complete this procedure, we require you to sign our contract granting us permission to extract your memories. Once a client’s memories are extracted, they are able to form new memories but cannot draw on anything before the procedure. Often this causes our elderly clients some distress. 


As a result, we have graciously included an optional clause in the contract that allows you to elect us to terminate your life post procedure. Our dedication to your comfort is our first priority, and this clause gives you the freedom to protect both yourself and your memories. 


So what are you waiting for? Come get your memories extracted now with our M-Extractor-5000!


(Prices start at $500K)

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