[Niamh’s Reads] Phallic Fantasies

Niamh McGonnell-Hall takes you through a library of erotic reads. 

Please note that this article contains mature themes (and some slight spoilers!)

There is a quote by some iconic person that states, “I don’t watch porn, I read it like a fucking lady.” Not saying there’s anything undignified about watching porn, but why not stimulate both your eyes and your imagination by doing both. 

But first, let's get something out of the way. Smut books are a tricky topic. Between the female sexual empowerment and men with frankly giant-sized members, there is a discourse of the gendered and sexual violence and misogyny that still permeates this type of book, specifically the dark romance genre. 

For this particular article, I will be focusing on books that I have seen as a celebration of the woman’s orgasm and that are perfect for a hot, steamy night of self-love, complete with smut level ratings. 

Neon Gods by Katee Roberts - 🌶️🌶️🌶️

This is a juicy Hades and Persephone retelling, where Greek Gods rule a modern-day Olympus and Persephone flees an arranged marriage to Zeus (yikes) and makes a bargain with the devil. Hades is wrapped in mystery but engages in some very public performances, cough exhibitionism cough. The allure of the underworld is too much for Persephone to resist; however, it is not corruptive and allows her to come into a full sense of herself, her sexuality and her desires. 

King of Wrath by Ana Huang - 🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️

This book by Ana Huang is part of her Kings of Sin series, a set of interconnected standalones that have mastered the blueprint of romance. Does every book use the same romance structure? Yes. Does it work? Absolutely. Huang knows what we want from a dirty romance book, complete with sex in the back of a limousine. This sexy tale is infused with blackmail, billionaires, and the ultimate “protect her at all costs” morally grey man.  

King of Pride by Ana Huang - 🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️

I’ve already mentioned one Kings of Sin book, but had to include Huang’s second instalment too, as this one just hits the spot with a more secret romance. Instead of limo sex, we get sex in a hidden library, which, in my opinion, is even better. And he makes her read Jane Austen whilst he's doing things. Our delectable Englishman here is less jagged than our beau in King of Wrath and exudes cocky confidence with extra cock. An opposites-attract whirlwind of chemistry. 

The Hating Game - Sally Thorne 🌶️🌶️🌶️

Publishing + books + sex: my best day ever, and this book is the perfect combination of all of those things. Now a major motion picture, this book breathes enemies to lovers, well…until they make out in an elevator in chapter 6. From then on, the tension is at a very palpable 10, sweet, sexy, a closed-off man who is just as beautiful inside as out, making this a half clutching-your-pearls half kicking-your-feet read. 

Rough Day by guardianangelcas - 🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️

Now, if you have read that title and you know what I’m talking about, then you will understand me when I say: raw, next question. (That was a joke, please practice safe sex y’all). I will state nothing further on this matter, as surprising as it would seem from this article, I still have some sense of decorum left. 

So, alas, I will not listen to the arguments that say ‘these books are just smut,’ because if you go back in time, from the dirty little 70s paperbacks to the modern day romance genre, you will see that these kinds of books are propping up the publishing industry. If they're not for you, I get it, and I sincerely wish you all the happiness in the world reading whatever you like to read. For those of us who do; however, like a bit of phallic fantasy, I hope this list serves you well.