My Jolly Sailor Bold

Niamh McGonnell-Hall drags us for a deep dive (pun intended) into the types of sea dwellers on our screens

From Odysseus to the quest for the Golden Fleece, Sirens have been luring men to their deaths for centuries. But many of us grew up with The Little Mermaid or Barbie: Mermaidia. Sirens, Merfolk and sea dwellers come in many different fin colours, so let’s take a little paddle into the deep waters of how these bewitching creatures have changed on our screens through time, and score them on their Siren vibes. 

Night Tide (1961)

Mora 

This black and white 1960s fantasy film follows a performing circus mermaid who is actually drowning men by the light of a full moon. As her drowned ex-boyfriends wash ashore, the man who is smitten by her starts his investigations. 

7/10, the OG sensual Siren.

The Secret Of Roan Inish (1994)

Selkies  

This enchanting film is based on the book Secret of the Ron Mor Skerry and plays with the myth of Selkies. Legend says that Selkies take the form of seals but can shed their skins and become beautiful women. Fiona believes her lost brother is being raised by these whimsical women, which sets in motion a tale of fairy tale adventure. 

11/10, pure Celtic whimsy.

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (2011)

The Mermaids Of Whitecap Bay

Now, yes, in this particular film, these creatures are referred to as mermaids – a mermaid that is very different to Ariel. But I think we can argue that the vibe of these mermaids echoes that of Sirens, specifically in how their enchanting songs lure men to lean over the side of their boats, only for them to be dragged down into the deep. They would definitely plot revenge on your cheating ex and know how to hide a body. 

13/10, smoking hot and could kill you easily.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (2005)

Mermaids of the Black Lake

In the depths of the Black Lake lay the world of the Merfolk. First seen in the fourth Harry Potter film, these mermaids have a distinct Siren feature: their song, which above water is a shrieking cacophony, but underneath is a whimsical warble. 

6.5/10, +1 for the vertical tail fin, -1 for she who must not be named.

Killer Mermaid (2014)

Scylla 

This Serbian-American horror film, originally titled Mamula and Nymph, doesn’t beat around the bush about how dangerous Sirens can be. Complete with a luring Siren song and a razor-sharp tale, Scylla, named after the many-headed sea monster from Greek Myth, turns a tropical holiday into a flurry of fangs and fins.

6/10, swan straight out of the depths of hell. 

The Lure (2015)

Silver and Golden 

Sisters Silver and Golden become a nightclub stripper act, dreaming of America. One ultimately falls in love with a human, and the torrent of torment begins. It is a retelling of The Little Mermaid by Hans Christian Anderson, complete with a mermaid giving up her tail and a dark subtext of the sex industry and objectification.

     6/10, Siren grunge core.

The Shape of Water (2017)

The Asset

HEAR ME OUT! It’s the sex issue. And nothing says sex more than a woman fucking a fish man. It doesn't matter if he looks like a live-action version of The Missing Link from Monsters vs. Aliens; let a girl live. Against the backdrop of 1960s Cold War America, the merman in this film caters to the experimental type when it comes to intimate relationships. 

10/10, probably packing.